Bloodlust
by WhenIWasAYoungBoy
Summary: When Jace cheats on Clary, she's heartbroken. Now, she's back at the Institute. What happened to her and will she ever forgive Jace? (Originally written in 2015. Currently being rewritten)


Okay y'all. I'm going to reupload the original Bloodlust all in one but please remember that my writing style has definitely improved since 2015. In other news, I recently started rewriting Bloodlust so I hope that it will be up soon.

* * *

''Heya Izzy!'' I yell to my closest friend, after Simon, Isabelle Lightwood.

''Hi Clary! Jace is in his room.'' She says, with a knowing look. "Don't be too loud, if you know what I mean." She gives an exaggerated wink.

''Izzy!'' I squeal, blushing brightly. She just laughs as I leave the room, still bright red.

* * *

When I get to Jace's room I was about to walk in but noises on the other side stopped me. I draw a listening rune on the door so I can eavesdrop.

''Jace when will Clary be back? I don't want her to find out.'' A high-pitched voice says.

''She won't be back for hours.'' Jace replies.

'I love you Jace.'' The girl says. Jace's reply shatters my heart.

''I love you too.''

I barge in his room to see Jace and a blue haired girl, both half-naked in his bed making out. It looks like they were just about to go further before I walked in.

''Oh I'm sorry am I interrupting something?'' I say calmly, but inside I'm screaming. They jump off each other in shock. ''How long.'' I ask. He mumbles something under his breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't hear that. Repeat yourself." I command him.

"A couple of months." He mutters, looking slightly guilty.

''Right, well now I know what our relationship was worth to you.'' I say. I walk out the room on the verge of tears. I get to my room to grab all my stuff then portal away, not caring about where I end up. When I arrive, I immediately feel stupid. What was I thinking, running off like that?! Now I look stupid, weak and hot-headed! It's too late to turn back now. It's time to take my next big step in life. I'm just considering what to do when a demon appears out of nowhere and pounces on me.

* * *

I awaken with a sore head. I don't know where I am. The only thing that I can discern is that I'm in an infirmary.

''Hello, is anyone there?'' I ask. Suddenly a girl with moss green hair appears in front of me.

"What do you remember?" She asks immediately.

"It's a blur. I can remember arriving somewhere, in a city I think. But I can't really remember anything else." She pauses for a moment.

"Okay, so, we found you in Dublin, Ireland where you had been attacked from behind by a Mantid demon. We disposed of it and brought you here."

''Where's here?'' I ask curiously. "And who are you?"

''I'll explain later. But first, Clarrisa Fairchild, I'd like to ask you something.'' She says.

"What is it?" I pause then ask worriedly, "You don't want me to join a cult do you?" She laughs at that before shrugging.

"Not exactly. You're mostly healed now so follow me."

We head out of the door and down a hallway. The place is so pretty, the architecture is amazing. She sees me gaping in awe at a huge tapestry and laughs, before opening a door and steeling inside. She takes a few steps but when she notices that I'm not following her she turns around and beckons me inside. When I get inside I realise that it's a kitchen and lounging around the room are four boys. Two are at the table reading, one's fiddling with the toaster and the last one is sitting on the counter and swinging his legs. They look up when we enter and the one sitting on the counter smiles at me. I nod back at him awkwardly as the girl sits down. I look at her and she grins.

"Okay, Clary we've been monitoring you for a while and we have a preposition for you." I raise my eyebrows at that and one of the boys at the table laughs. The girl shakes her head before continuing. "We want you to join our group. We want you to join Mysterious."

* * *

"Hey, Clary! Come down here, we need to talk!" Angela shouts up at me. I'm currently in the rafters of one of the training rooms, fine-tuning my jumps as they're probably my weakest point. I sigh before jumping down.

''Finally." Says Angela, rolling her eyes. "Good landing tuck, though." She adds, walking away. I shake my head at her before jogging slightly to catch up with her.

I can't help remembering when I first joined, I was really weak but they trained me to be stronger, both physically and mentally. I was good enough to join but I had to work hard so I could stay. The training was tough but I'm glad for all of their help.

"So," Angela starts, breaking me out of my thoughts. "There have been some Venena demon sightings in the Manhattan area so we're going to go check it out. Unfortunately, we're going to have to stay at the New York institute. Are you up for it?" By this point, we had made it to one of the library's where the others were sitting. They were looking at me closely. I remembered suddenly that that's where I had run away from, so they probably didn't know how I'd react.

"Okay, I'm down." I decide. It's not like I'm going to leave them at the first sight of Jace anyways. After four years I'm definitely over him, no doubt about him. They all look relieved that I'm going. Mostly because they'd feel bad if I was left alone but they all want to fight. We leave the room to go get ready and I grin. This is going to be fun.

* * *

We pull up outside the institute and, compared to our main place, it looked fairly small and run down. We look at each other and nod before heading in. We go through one of the back ways and head up to the library. We sent a message ahead so they're expecting us. Though, not as early as this. After a while we hear footsteps outside. We decided not to make it as dramatic as we could have and we just stayed sitting down. In walks Marsye, Isabelle, Alec and Jace. All but Marsye look surprised to see us sitting there. Marsye just looks flustered that we're early.

"Excuse me," She asks. "I'd like you to explain who you are and exactly why you've come here. Your message didn't explain much." We glance at each other before turning back to the Lightwoods and Jace. Josh, who's been elected as our spokesperson, points at us in turn."

"I'm Josh, that's Angela, Carl, Will, James and, finally, Clary." At my name Isabelle and Alec look surprised whilst Jace goes completely still. I smile slightly and, at that, Isabelle begins to take a tentative step forwards before Alec's hand on her arm makes her stop. Josh, seeing that no one was going to speak, continued. "We're here because we've heard of some Venena demon sightings around this area and the closest place to stay is in this institute." I can see them getting riled up.

"We don't need your help fighting demons!" Jace scoffs. "We're Shadowhunters. That's our job." The others seem to agree. I roll my eyes and I can see the others doing the same. I close my eyes with a sigh before opening them and explaining.

"Venena demons are smarter and stronger than most demons you've fought." I begin. At the sound of my voice, Jace pales slightly. "Honestly, they're more like Greater Demons." Having said my bit, I fall silent and let them mull that over. We glance at each other before getting up and moving towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Questions Isabelle. It's Will who answers.

"We're going to our rooms." He states. "Don't come bother us unless it's an emergency." And with that, we leave the room.

* * *

As we walk to our rooms I can hear their voices muttering.

"I can't believe Clary's part of Mysterious."

"So that's where she's been."

"They look scary, I hope she's okay."

* * *

Once we've chosen our rooms, we go down to train. Once we're down there, I immediately start climbing up to get to the ceiling. I can see the Shadowhunters staring at me as I get higher and higher. I stop at the height where, last time they saw me, I could never jump from and, without any hesitation, I jump. I can hear them gasp as I'm falling and, when I land and roll, I see them gaping at me in awe. Jace is staring at me the most, though, when I raise an eyebrow at him, he ducks his head down. Isabelle opens her mouth to say something before shaking her head and closing it again. I shrug at that before turning around to spar with whichever member is closest.

* * *

We're standing by the doors of the institute, waiting for Will to come down. We decided to go to Pandemonium as it's a demon hot-spot so it's the most logical place to find a Venena demon. Alec walks out of a door but stops when he sees us.

"What are you doing?" He questions. I glance at Josh before turning back to Alec.

"We're going to Pandemonium to look for Venena demons. D'you want to come?" Alec's a good fighter and an even better defender. It'd be good for him to come. He pauses.

"Are Izzy and Jace coming?" He asks. I sigh slightly, of course, they always fight together. I shrug.

"Maybe." He pauses at that before heading up the stairs. I take that as a no but then, not two minutes later, he's back with Isabelle and Jace in tow. I share a look with the others and they all nod.

"Okay, cool. Let's go."

* * *

When we arrive it's already packed. I spot a demon straight away and start walking towards it to get a closer look. Carl, seeing what I'm doing, comes with me. On closer examination, it's obviously not a Venena demon but we get rid of it anyways. Sparring with each other isn't as good as the real thing.

In the back room, we make quick work of the demon before going to see what else we can find.

* * *

As we're heading out. Jace's hand accidentally brushes against mine. I quickly move my hand away but not quick enough to avoid noticing how warm they are. For some reason, I can feel my pulse getting a bit quicker and my cheeks going pink. I'm immediately thankful for the darkness that surrounds us.

* * *

I'm not sure how to feel anymore. I thought that I was over Jace, and I am. Or at least I was. But he's making it so hard. Every time I look at him I can't help but think of all the good times we had together.

In all honesty, I miss Simon. It's so unfair that it didn't work. That he refused to come with us. It was so hard hearing him call me insane and threatening to call the police on us. I miss him. I start, suddenly, at a knock on my door. I was so busy thinking that I didn't hear the footsteps.

"What do you want?" I call, wiping my eyes quickly in case I'm crying.

"It's Izzy. Let me in!" She yells. I groan slightly but allow her to come in. I know she won't go away if I didn't do as she said and I can't deal with that right now. It just saves a lot of time, energy and aggravation to do what she says straight away. She enters and perches at the edge of my bed.

"What's this all about?" I snap when she stays silent.

"Jace having weird mood swings and not eating much some days but others he eats twice his own bodyweight in food. He gets really sullen and moody a lot. It gets a bit better after he sees you. I'm his sister and it bothers me. Can you just stop being such a coward and apologise before getting out of his life! I'm pissed at you but I'm going to put up with you until he's okay again!" She bursts out, all in one breath. When I don't answer immediately she coughs impatiently which snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Wait! You're pissed at me?! Do you know what that lying, cheating bastard did to me!"

"More like what you did to him! You snogged another guy and then, when Jace confronted you, you ran away like a cowardly bitch!"

"What!" I yell. "That never happened! I went upstairs, the last day I saw you before I left, and Jace was half-naked and snogging some blue-haired bitch! He broke my heart then threw the pieces right back at me!" Izzy looks completely floored at the revelation.

"But... Jace, he said..." She starts, "But Jace never lies!" She says, clearly trying to convince herself more than me.

"Izzy," I say as softly as I can. "Everyone lies. Look, I'll show you." I pat the bed next to me and she shuffles backwards to sit next to me.

"Now," I warn her. "This is going to be a bit strange."

She looks a little worried but nods anyway. I breath in and on the out breath I lead her into my mind.

* * *

"Follow me." I say immediately, not letting her make a sound. She nods and jogs up to me. We walk for quite a while as the memory is quite far back. Then I stop, annoyed with myself. I can just call the memory up! I close my eyes and think hard. I hear an intake of breath from Izzy which I take as a cue to open my eyes. I step forwards. "C'mon Izzy. Just copy what I do." I tell her. She nods and into the memory we go.

'' _Jace when will Clary be back? I don't want her to find out.'' A high-pitched voice asks._

 _''She won't be back for hours.'' Jace replies._

 _''I love you Jace.'' The girl says._

 _''I love you too.'' Clary barges in his room to see Jace and a blue haired girl, both half-naked in his bed making out. It looks like they were just about to go further before Clary walked in._

Izzy gasps loudly. I just close my eyes and sigh, all of the pain and hurt coming back to me. Then Izzy makes a noise of surprise, causing me to look up. My mouth opens slightly and before I can stop it, more memories start to play out in front of us.

 _In between one step and another she saw a white spark struck off something on the floor: it was the knife Jace had been using to cut apples, lying on its side. She jerked hastily back to avoid stepping on it, and her shoulder bumped into his - he put a hand out to steady her, just as she turned to apologise, and then she was somehow in the circle of his arm and he was kissing her. It was at first as if he hadn't wanted to kiss her: his mouth was hard on hers, unyielding; then he put both arms around her and pulled her against him. His lips softened._

 _And another._

 _Clary hesitated - only for a moment, but the moment stretched out as long as any moment ever had. She could ask for anything, she thought dizzily, anything - an end to pain or world hunger or disease, or for peace on earth. But then again, perhaps these things weren't in the power of angels to grant, or they would already have been granted. And perhaps people were supposed to find these things for themselves. It didn't matter, anyway. There was only one thing she could ask for, in the end, only one real choice. She raised her eyes to the Angel's._

 _"Jace," she said._

And another one.

" _You know," she said, "Aline said maybe you wouldn't be interested anymore. Now that it isn't forbidden. Now that you could be with me if you wanted to." She shivered a little in the flimsy dress, gripping her elbows with her hands. "Is that true? Are you not... interested?"_

 _"Interested? As if you were a - a book, or a piece of news? No, I'm not interested. I'm -" He broke off, groping for the word the way someone might grope for a light switch in the dark. "Do you remember what I said to you before? About feeling like the fact that you were my sister was a sort of cosmic joke on me? On both of us?"_

 _"I remember."_

 _"I never believed it," he said. "I mean, I believed it on a way - I let it drive me to despair, but I never felt it. Never felt you were my sister. Because I didn't feel about you the way you're supposed to feel about your sister. But that didn't mean I didn't feel like you were a part of me. I've always felt that." Seeing her puzzled expression, he broke of with an impatient noise. "I'm not saying this right. Clary, I hated every moment that I thought you were my sister. I hated every moment that I thought what I felt for you meant there was something wrong with me. But-"_

 _"But what?" Clary's heart was beating so hard it was making her feel more than a little dizzy._

 _"I could see the delight Valentine took in the way I felt about you. The way you felt about me. He used it as a weapon against us. And that made me hate him. More than anything else he'd ever done to me, that made me hate him, and it made me turn against him, and maybe that's what I needed to do. Because there were times I didn't know if I wanted to follow him or not. It was a hard choice - harder than I like to remember." His voice sounded tight._

 _"I asked you if I had a choice once," Clary reminded him. "And you said, 'We always have choices.' You chose against Valentine. In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn't matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did."_

 _"I know," Jace said. "I'm just saying that I think I chose the way I did in part because of you. Since I've met you, everything I've done has been in part because of you. I can't untie myself from you, Clary - not my heart or my blood or my mind or any other part of me. And I don't want to."_

 _"You don't?" She whispered. He took a step towards her. His gaze was fastened on her face, as if he couldn't look away._

 _"I always thought love made you stupid. Made you weak. A bad Shadowhunter. To love is to destroy. I believed that." She bit her lip, but she couldn't look away from him, either. "I used to think being a good warrior meant not caring," he said. "About anything, myself especially. I took every risk I could. I flung myself in the path of demons. I think I gave Alec a complex about what kind of fighter he was, just because he wanted to live." Jace smiled unevenly. "And then I met you. You were a mundane. Weak. Not a fighter. Never trained. And then I saw how much you loved your mother, loved Simon, and how you'd walk into hell to save them. You did walk into that vampire hotel. Shadowhunters with a decade of experience wouldn't have tried that. Love didn't make you weak; it made you stronger than anyone I'd ever met. And I realised I was the one who was weak."_

 _"No." She was shocked. "You're not."_

 _"Maybe not anymore." He took another step, and now he was close enough to touch her. "Valentine couldn't believe I'd killed Jonathan," he said. "Couldn't believe it because I was the weak one, and Jonathan was the one with more training. By all rights he probably should have killed me. He nearly did. But I thought of you - I saw you there, clearly, as if you were standing in front of me, watching me, and I knew I wanted to live, wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything, if only so that I could see your face one more time." She wished she could move, wished she could reach out and touch him, but she couldn't. Her arms felt frozen at her sides. His face was close to hers, so close that she could see her own reflection in the pupils of his eyes. "And now I'm looking at you," he said, "and you're asking me if I still want you, as if I could stop loving you. As if I would want to give up the thing that makes me stronger than anything else ever has. I never dared give much of myself to anyone before - bits of myself to the Lightwoods, to Isabelle and Alec, but it took years to do it - but, Clary, since the first time I saw you, I have belonged to you completely. I still do. If you want me." For a split second longer she stood motionless. Then, somehow, she had caught the front of his shirt and pulled him toward her. His arms went around her, lifting her almost out of her sandals, and then he was kissing her - or she was kissing him, she wasn't sure, and it didn't matter. The feel of his mouth on hers was electric; her hands gripped his arms, pulling him hard against her. The feel of his heart pounding through his shirt made her dizzy with joy. No one else's heart beat like Jace's did, or ever could. He let her go at last and she gasped - she'd forgotten to breathe. He cupped her face between his hands, tracing the curve of her cheekbones with his fingers. The light was back in his eyes, as bright as it had been by the lake, but now there was a wicked sparkle to it. "There," he said. "That wasn't so bad, was it, even though it wasn't forbidden?"_

 _"I've had worse," she said, with a shaky laugh."_

 _You know," he said, bending to brush his mouth across hers, "if it's the lack of forbidden you're worried about, you could still forbid me to do things."_

 _"What kind of things?" She felt him smile against her mouth._

 _"Things like this."_

Another.

" _Jace!" Clary squeals loudly. "Put me down immediately!"_

 _"What's in it for me?" He asks jokingly._

 _"Well..." She begins mischievously. Jace drops her in surprise and she runs away, giggling._

 _"Oi! Come back!" He yells, then, as silent as a lion, he grabs her by the waist and puts her back over his shoulder._

Another one.

" _Clary?" A sleepy voice questions. "Is that you? What's wrong?"_

 _"It's nothing Jace go back to sleep."_

 _"Have you been crying?!" He asks in surprise, suddenly much more awake._

 _"I'm fine. It was just a nightmare."_

 _"Come here Clary. Tell me about it. It might make you feel better."_

 _"It's just, well. What if our plan hadn't worked? And you got stuck in the Demon realm. Or engulfed in the Heavenly Fire?! I just - I can't see myself living without you, Jace." It falls silent as Clary sniffs a bit more. Then, without saying a word, Jace pulls her into a hug, not letting go, even when they fall asleep._

More and more memories appear until you can't see the whole thing, just glimpses. I put my hand on my face and am astonished to see my fingers wet with tears. Izzy looks up at me, but mostly at my face. Then, tenderly, she lifts up my face and kisses me.


End file.
